You watch news and read articles all day. Kids are out of control. I watched a news report the other day where a 17yo plotted an attack on his former high school. Very disturbing since it’s in the next county over and actually it can happen anywhere.
What is wrong with our kids? How can a 6yo take a gun to school and no one at home know about it, how can a 10 year old beat up his class mates and no one claim responsibility? Is it really ALL the kids fault and are ALL those kids really that bad and ALL hope has been lost?
Every child in my opinion is born with no presetting’s, a clean slate, a white piece of canvas that needs to be shaped, formed and taught. They learn from our actions.
I was a bit disturbed about the news report about the 17yo who plotted the attack on his former High school because his Mom was (still is) a Teacher, they looked at his dad and that’s when I got up sad. His parents had been divorced and his dad had been in and out of jail many, many times; the conclusion = a troubled Teen who by no other means is following in the foot steps of his father because the parents got divorced when he was 3!! So they say, sure leave it at that.
I was very irritated by that conclusion. No one here knows that I also divorced my Ex Husband, the father of the boys, when they very, very young. The Teen knows what went on in our house and also knows his fathers past, however does that automatically make my Teen the troubled child everyone is claiming ALL children will have if the parents divorce, if domestic violence was involved, if the parent is a trouble make?
It bothers me that the media and anyone else puts everyone in one category that they will follow the same path. I have worked very hard to provide my boys a loving home environment with everything they need. They see me work hard every single day; they know I came to this country with nothing, not even speaking and even less writing the language. I’ve worked my way through this because I put my mind to it. Anything is possible if you just put your mind to it, is my motto!
Therefore I can honestly say, I do not ever believe that my child will follow his fathers footsteps; if he does both boys already know, do NOT waste your one phone call on me. I will not run to the jail and bail you out, I will not support you in that decision that got you there and I dam (oops this I just swear.. sorry.. I’m getting my point across) not lie for your actions.
I’ve seen parents do that and run every time their child got put in jail. Do they learn from it? No, because Mom or Dad will get me out. Don’t ignore your children, work with them, talk to them make them understand, there are consequences to their actions.
Trust me, they will listen. They may not at first or may not show you that they take your words to heart, BUT they will remember your words when they make a decision whether to be a troublemaker and let Mom down or just let it go and walk away from the situation.
It’s our parenting that forms these kids. How you talk to them, how you raise them is more important than anything. Just because their father may have been a troublemaker does not mean automatically my child will be too.
A few things I try to incorporate in our daily lives are:
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Don’t hide the past, if one parent has been in trouble they need to know and why. Of course if you have a 4yo they have no clue and don’t need to know, but as they get older make them understand in a child friendly way WHY one parent isn’t here with them.
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TALK TO YOUR KIDS… is probly one thing I mention over and over again, TALK!
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Spend time together with your kids, even Teens need their Mom/ dad more than you think; take them out for Ice Cream or a Mom Son Date, they will enjoy the special time with you and reassure them you are there and care.
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Take an active roll in their life. Whether it be online on Facebook or twitter, make it mandatory you be there friend and allowed any private message as well. My kids know Facebook is a privilege and if you don’t let me check up on it, it will be gone.
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Don’t embarrass your kids in front of their class mates, again even on Facebook. I do interact with my Teens friends and talk to them and like their comments so they know I’m here and you better watch what you are saying.
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Give them guidance but in the end let them figure out what decision is the right one for them at the moment, if they choose the wrong one, there is always another decision around the corner, may be a longer way to get there, but you are who you are and the decisions you make are your responsibilities, that’s what I tell my Teen/ Tween
Don’t give up on your Teen. I would love to hear your stories and tips and ideas. In no way am I an expert, I’m just a mom and these are rules that we live by in the Crazy Mom’s house; still seek expert advise if your Teen has more problems than you can handle before he/she really gets out of your control. Show them who the parent is, show them respect BUT also they need to respect YOU as the parent.
Melissa Lawler says
I agree that 90% of the time it IS the parent’s fault. You do have to communicate with your kids. You do need to let them know that there are consequences for bad decisions. I went through hell with my son. The only one he ever really hurt was himself. However, I think he has asperger’s. He never could understand that if he did something bad that he would get in trouble. He never understood when I was sad or angry. I will say that he did grow up and he is a happy and healthy 25 year old. It took a lot of years and a lot of patience to get him there.
CrazyMom says
Melissa… so glad you gave him all the love and patience that he needed and love the outcome… soo glad to hear that he now is Happy and Healthy and going in the right direction…. whohoo kuddos to you :0) Job well done!!!!
Denise B. says
There are two factors here. One, is as the saying goes, “children are an example of their parents”. These days, more and more parents are lacking in morals and values and spend very little time with their children, most of which are latch-key kids. Second, is the public schools where the government’s mandates dictate an outline of government-defined behavior’s and attitudes which are more important than the focus on actual academics in which a major portion of a child’s grade is based. For example, Columbine and many other schools have death and suicide education (under the guise of another name like “Values Clarification” or such so parents don’t suspect). In the one school district I lived in, one assignment in Values Clarification was for the student to write their own epitath for their tombstone. Four girls refused to do the assignment, and the parents of the two girls who told their parents about it pulled them out of school immediately and homeschooled them. Suicide education involves such outlandish things as showing the student how to properly commit suicide. I was just looking at the alleged math book from our local high school here in Florida, and it was full of pictures and captions/stories of politically-correct idiologies which were incorporated into math problems. The moral to the story is that we live in a day and age where parents don’t pay enough attention to their children or what is going on in their lives and/or don’t have the time for them and the government has stepped in as the nanny.
CrazyMom says
Wow Denise.. that is soo interesting and yes totally true.. parents need to step up and RAISE the children no one else can take that place for them and if they do, well you see what happens…. Thanks for the comment, soo interesting